


Team Skull Nonsense

by shadow_oblivion



Category: Pocket Monsters: Sun & Moon | Pokemon Sun & Moon Versions
Genre: Drunkenness, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Minor Violence, golisopod is a peace-keeper, guzma is violence prone, is a possibility, pokemon battles, so abuse mentions, team skull trying and failing to intimidate others, what team skull does when not trying to terrorize the public
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-08
Packaged: 2018-09-06 22:50:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8772520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadow_oblivion/pseuds/shadow_oblivion
Summary: Collection of chapters that are at times connected, where Team Skull grunts go about their days doing as best they can, be it in Po Town or out causing disruption in other towns. Guzma, meanwhile, has to deal with his team's odd habits, as well as his own Pokemon's.  And the only sane one in all of Po Town is Plumeria.





	1. Sleeping Troubles

**Author's Note:**

> I have made the decision to compile all of my 1000 plus word fanfics that I post on Tumblr under the same name as this fic here on Ao3, so that I can just come here to read them more easily. Because I know I will most certainly be writing more of this kind of thing, because I love Team Skull and I'm enjoying actually being able to write Pokemon fanfiction. Expect some Pokemon battles in future posted chapters.

Guzma was exhausted. After a full day of terrorizing the public, he needed to get some sleep. Unfortunately, Golisopod had a similar need for sleep that night, and the Pokémon had gotten to Guzma's bed first after leaving its Pokéball the moment Guzma entered the mansion in Po Town. Golisopod currently used only one of the three pillows on the bed.   
  
That wasn't the problem.   
  
What was the problem was that Golisopod was no longer the small Wimpod it had once been. Meaning the Pokemon's now taller and larger bulk took up most of the bed. And Golisopod had decided the very middle of the bed was the best place to settle on its stomach for the night.   
  
Guzma frowned at the bed and his Pokémon before he sighed, straightened himself out of a slouch and admonished Golisopod in a slightly aggressive way.   
  
"Oy, I told you to be on one side of the bed. Not the middle. How the hell am I supposed to sleep with yer damn armor plated bum takin' up most of the bed?"  
  
Golisopod stirred with a faint chatter of protest at being disturbed as it raised its head to look at its trainer in what appeared to be innocent wonder.   
  
Guzma scowled and crossed his arms. After several nights ending up this way he knew that Golisopod was faking its ignorance. It had to have known by now that it was simply too big to sleep wherever it wanted to on the bed like it had before it evolved.   
  
Sometimes Guzma regretted letting his Wimpod sleep on the bed before. The Team Skull boss had had no idea that when it evolved into Golisopod that it would get over six feet tall. Damn bug was taller than Guzma now, which was great for intimidating others but not so much for when he was trying to sleep and Golisopod wanted to be on the bed too.   
  
Guzma felt a hefty bump against his legs and glanced down to find Ariados poking him with its front limbs.   
  
"I'm goin' to bed as soon as Golisopod moves over." Guzma rounded on said Pokémon. "C'mon, move over. I don’t have all night." 

Guzma would never again ask any of his bug-type Pokémon to roll over, as it had led to a big misunderstanding. Having an upset, armored and nearly 300 pound Pokémon to deal with was not fun and Guzma could not get his offended Golisopod to battle against anyone for a week. It had only taken less than a minute after speaking for Guzma to realize his mistake.   
  
Bugs die on their backs. So basically, Golisopod had interpreted the words as its trainer telling it that it should roll over and die. It took some convincing on Guzma's part to assure the Golisopod that what he had said was just for it to go to the other side of the bed. Not that he wanted it to die.  
  
At present, Guzma just wanted to go to sleep. And Golisopod was still just staring at him curiously, as if its trainer's request had not registered with it.   
  
"Move over, Golisopod." Guzma repeated; slowly and with an emphasis to show that he was not impressed with his Pokemon’s behavior.  
  
Golisopod stared a moment longer before it made a huff of a chitter. Instead of moving, however, it settled back down on the bed and in fact seemed to sag further into the mattres to let it be known that it wasn't going anywhere.   
  
Guzma kicked his shoes off and got onto the bed to give the nearest armored shoulder a shove. It didn't budge his Pokémon in the least bit, nor did it seem to get its attention either. Guzma scowled and reached out to pat Golisopod on the head.   
  
"You messin' with me after the damn crap we went through today?"  
  
A single inquiring chuff sounded in the silence that followed Guzma's words.  
  
Guzma flipped onto his back and stretched out, half pressing against Golisopod with his shoulder to try and silently urge it to move even a foot to the other side. Guzma heard the Pokémon move marginally before he felt it bite down on his hair to nibble at it while the smaller limbs of the Pokemon prodded Guzma. Guzma waved away one of the smaller arms only to get one of Golisopod’s larger arms draped over his chest.   
  
Golisopod shifted and rested its head on the pillow above Guzma's head as it made a satisfied chitter and let its limb rest a tad bit heavier over Guzma's chest, effectively limiting its trainer's movement.   
  
"Little shit." Guzma grumbled affectionately as he freed his left hand to pat the arm over his chest.  
  
Movement from Guzma's left alerted the Team Skull boss that Ariados had decided get into the bed as well. Guzma turned his head in time to see Ariados staring at him, its head tilted to the side curiously.   
  
"You two plan this out or what?" Guzma huffed at the arachnid.   
  
Ariados waved its front limbs in response before it settled against Guzma's left side, inching up in order to rest its head against Guzma's neck and shoulder.   
  
"Comfortable?" Guzma drawled as he awkwardly reached backward with his left hand to pat Ariados on the head.   
  
An answering series of clicks came from both bug Pokémon.   
  
“Y'all are little shits. Takin' over my bed." Guzma grumbled without any real malice. "Making it hard to go to sleep with you lying on me."  
  
Both Golisopod and Ariados nuzzled their trainer's head in response before both Pokémon dozed off.   
  
Guzma didn't blame them; they worked harder then he did that day in a series of battles. Probably was why he couldn't bring himself to insist they sleep elsewhere in the room or in their Pokéballs. 

-x-

  
Unbeknownst to Guzma, Plumeria took pictures of him snoozing on his bed, boxed in by his Pokémon, where the two bug-type Pokémon had taken to using Guzma's chest and stomach sometime during the night as a pillow instead of the pillows on the bed.   
  
The Team Skull grunts that saw the photos were all in consensus that the sight was adorable. But no one dared say a word about it when Guzma prowled out of his room the next morning, hunched over with an irritable look in his eyes that all but dared someone to talk shit to him so early in the day.   
  
The intimidation was somewhat lost when Golisopod left its Pokéball and picked Guzma up with all of its limbs.   
  
A few of the grunts dared to go speak aloud about the sight of the armored Pokémon hugging its trainer despite the possible fallout.   
  
"Yo, boss, your Pokemon thinks you needed a hug."

”I forgot how damn big Golisopod is.”

"Boss don’t look so tough when ‘is Pokemon’s huggin’ him.”

"Nah, he looks more happy, doesn’t he?”  
  
The grunts made themselves scarce the instant Guzma all but flung himself out of his Pokemon's hold to give chase. The sudden sprint didn't last for very long because of slammed door in Guzma’s face, followed by a click of a lock. Guzma may very well have considered breaking the door down to continue what he started had it not been for Golisopod getting to him first.  Guzma made a growl of protest over Golisopod gently restraining him with its shorter limbs while using its bigger arms to tug at one of its trainers arms to insist that Guzma give its head a few pats.   
  
Guzma grudgingly twisted to the side in order to do so and was soon distracted enough by his Pokémon that he forgot he had wanted to beat the grunts behind the closed doors.  Especially that one had dared to say he had looked like he needed a hug.  
  
Guzma didn't want or need a hug.

He didn’t.  

Really. 

  
Ariados came out of its Pokeball the moment Guzma began to turn his attention to the locked door with a rather dark look in his eyes.  Ariados ended any further thought of what was in that room by suddenly leaping into the air in the direction of its trainer.  
  
Guzma automatically reached out and caught the Pokémon. He staggered backward slightly but with Golisopod holding him steady Guzma managed to hoist his Ariados up so it could wrap its front legs around his neck. Guzma felt Golisopod lean over and nibble his hair again as the Pokemon none too subtlety steered Guzma away from the closed door.

Once they’d gotten over to the staircase, Guzma shook his head wordlessly and took a deep breath as he absently pet Ariados’ back.  Guzma exhaled slowly before he bumped his head back against Golisopod's affectionately, no longer angry as he half-heartedly chided his Pokémon.   
  
"Little shits." Guzma patted both Pokémon again, unable to help but smile a little. "You're lucky I like you guys."


	2. Burn Heal

Golisopod woke up on another dreary as always day. It heard the rain pattering away, and with a stretch, the big Pokémon shifted on the bed and poked Guzma with one of its limbs. Its trainer had had a rough night last night, having accidently walked right through one of Professor Kukui’s move testing with his own Pokémon and some enthusiastic wild Pokémon.  Guzma had had the misfortune of being hit with not one but two attacks simultaneously, and had ended up dropping into a crumpled heap.  The resulting cussing and rough gestures before storming away back to the mansion made Golisopd believe that its trainer was fine.

But right now, the following morning?  Perhaps Golisopod was mistaken.  It kept forgetting that humans couldn’t take as much of a beating as Pokémon could, and the bug Pokémon knew for a fact that Guzma would complain about its armored hide causing some damage to him when he would run into it.

Golisopod prodded the prone Guzma again, and clicked a few times, as if that would get its trainer to wake up.

No response.

Odd.

Was he still asleep then?

Golisopod got off of the bed with a stretch and lumbered over to the other side of the bed. It settled on the ground on the side Guzma had shifted to overnight with another, louder chitter. Golisopod tilted its head to one side and then the other as it observed its still asleep trainer. Smaller limbs twitching, Golisopod braced itself on the bed with its two larger limbs in order to lean on close to Guzma. With a hesitant motion, Golisopod used one of its smaller limbs to reach out and carefully poke Guzma on the nose. That always got a reaction. 

Guzma shifted in bed with a faint sound but otherwise didn't wake up or outwardly react. 

Golisopod let out a displeased sound before using its head to lightly bump Guzma's. When that did nothing, the bug Pokémon started to do a series of clicks as it made the drastic move to drag its trainer out of bed and let him fall to the floor in a way that wouldn’t hurt him. 

Much.

That sudden jar to the floor woke Guzma up instantly but still something seemed off to Golisopod, and it wasn’t the sudden swearing.

"Shit. What the hell was that for?"  Guzma demanded, having some difficulty getting his hands and feet under him to push himself up off the ground. 

Golisopod noticed that its trainer was struggling to rise, so it offered one of its larger limbs for Guzma to grab hold of. 

"What a wakeup call."  Guzma grumbled as he took the offered limb to pull himself to his feet. "What was that for?"

Golisopod noticed what was wrong and let out unhappy clicks at the sight of its trainer's rather battered appearance. The Pokémon didn't recall Guzma looking like that yesterday, so it must have been because of getting hit by those two Pokemon attacks the day before. 

"I'll be fine."  Guzma said, fending off Golisopod's smaller limbs from feeling the bruises that weren’t hidden by his clothes. "It's nothing."

Golisopod continued its attempt and managed to carefully run a few of its smaller limbs over the bruises, drawing forth a flinch. The bug-type Pokémon made a long series of clicks and chitters before it made the decision to scoop Guzma up despite its trainer's protests. 

"Hey! What did I say about carrying me around, you little shit?"

Golisopod headed for the door, gently keeping a hold of Guzma while trying not to jostle its trainer too much, as Golisopod could feel him flinch. Golisopod wasn't sure how to make Guzma better, since the other humans in the mansion only seemed to know how to care for Pokémon. It seemed like an oversight because what happened when one of them was hurt?  It then remembered what had been done the last time Guzma had sustained some injuries.

"Put me down, Golisopod. I was gonna sleep it off." Guzma slapped a hand against one of his Pokemon's arms but Golisopod merely held him firmly and refused to relinquish its grasp. 

Golisopod figured there was at least one human in that mansion that would know what to do, and may have helped the last time. So, navigating its way around the mansion with its cursing trainer in tow, Golisopod reached its destination and reached one limb out to tug the door open. 

"Hey now. Don't just go walking into Plumeria’s room. She might not be awake."  Guzma grimaced. "Or she could be changing. You remember what happened the last time that happened?"  The Team Skull boss heard what suspiciously sounded like a rumble of laughter from his Pokémon. "Screw you. Pokémon can get away with walking in on their trainers changing their clothes but humans get their ass kicked. Remember that?  I had a black eye for days!"

Golisopod clicked out a few choice things about humans and their awkwardness around each other based on gender, remembered its trainer couldn't understand, and let out a low chuff of irritation. And then it hit the door in an approximation of a knock, as it decided that its trainer probably didn't need another black eye in addition the bumps and bruises he appeared to already have. 

"One moment." Plumeria's voice was heavy with sleep, indicating she had been woken up. It didn't take her very long to answer the door and she stood in the doorway, half dressed in her regular clothes and half in pajamas. She stared at the curious sight before her and smiled a little. "Is this a new form of transportation for you?"

"Shut it. I told it to set me down but it wouldn't." Guzma prodded his Pokemon's nearest limb.  “Put me down.”

Golisopod nuzzled the top of its trainer’s head.

Guzma let out a disparaging sigh and let the issue alone. "It figured out that I got hurt from when I got my ass kicked around yesterday."

"Oh?  Is that why you were limping to your room last night?"  Plumeria didn't sound the least bit surprised. "Who was it this time? Hala? Kukui?  Nanu, because you stole something from the police station again?"

Guzma glowered silently at Plumeria. Golisopod continued to nuzzle his head as if to try and calm its trainer down.

"I'm going to say Kukui, because I heard from one of the grunts he was testing out Pokémon moves outside of Po town yesterday." Seeing Guzma bare his teeth at her as if daring her to continue with that train of thought, Plumeria rolled her eyes and backed away into her room. "Thought so." Plumeria waved at the bug Pokémon. "Bring him in, Golisopod. Might as well patch him up while everyone else is asleep."

"I'm fine." Guzma bristled, but neither Golisopod nor Plumeria gave him notice. 

Ten minutes later and several shouting matches later, Guzma sulked on a chair in Plumeria’s room, shirtless as he hissed and cursed over a nasty burn on his upper back. 

"I somehow doubt Kukui burned you. Did you actually get hit with a fire type move?" Plumeria asked, testing the extent of the burn. 

Guzma's silence was answer enough. 

"Was it a Sandlit? A Growlithe?"

"None of your business."  Guzma’s response was sharp and clipped, as if he didn’t want to dwell on what had happened.

"Hmm." Plumeria slapped Guzma’s bare shoulder near the burn, drawing forth a wince.  “It was probably a Growlithe.  He has a Rockruff.”  The pink and yellow haired woman inspected the injury again, before shaking her head, “That’s going to need something on it.  Do we have burn heals around?  Maybe in a cupboard somewhere?”

“I’m not a damn Pokemon.”  Guzma said in exasperation.  He glared out of the corner of his eyes at his Pokémon when he thought he heard a chuff of laughter, “I heard that.”

Golisopod crouched down in front of its trainer in order to bump its head against Guzma’s chest as it made a series of clicks. 

Guzma reached out and hugged his Pokemon’s head to him with a sigh, “Taking advantage of me for petting, huh?”

Golisopod leaned its head into the embrace and let out a satisfied chitter in response to the attention.

“Stupid bug.”  Guzma said fondly as he leaned over and bumped his forehead against Golisopod’s.

“Want a photo of you hugging your Pokémon, Guzma?   There’s already one of it hugging you.”  Plumeria remained her leader of her presence.  “Or do you want to put something on this burn?”

Guzma was about to protest the photo comment when there was a commotion outside of the bedroom door.

A Team Skull grunt rushed in without knocking, and to the grunt’s credit, she said nothing of Guzma's shitless appearance. After all, everyone figured that Plumeria was the only person Guzma would allow to see to any injuries should he happen to receive them. 

"What is it?" Guzma grunted irritably as he pat Golisopod on the head absently. 

"Oh. Um. Professor Kukui was here and-"

“What?”  Guzma surged off the chair he’d been seated on with a wordless snarl, Golisopod backing away lest its trainer run into him and hurt himself further. "That move obsessed bastard? Why the hell is he even here after what happened?"

Plumeria deftly poked a rather nasty bruise in the middle of her leader’s back, which caused Guzma to go down on one knee with a hiss of pain.  Plumeria turned her attention to the female grunt.  “What about him?”

“Oh, he said to give the boss this.  And then he left.”  The grunt said, and offered a bottle to Plumeria before retreating at the sight of Guzma getting to his feet and looking frustrated and quite possibly ready to punch something.

“What is it?”  Guzma asked, his voice taut.

“A burn heal.”  Plumeria said, trying and failing to hide a smile.

Guzma almost made it out the door before Golisopod grabbed hold of him.

“Thanks, Golispod.  Hold your trainer still, would you?”  Plumeria shook the bottle.  “Let’s see if this works on humans as well as Pokémon.”

“I’m not a damn experiment!  Don’t put that stuff anywhere near me.” Guzma demanded, though since he was facing Golisopod and his Pokémon was holding him in place with all six of its limbs, as well its mouth clamped down on his hair, he had nowhere to go.  And since Guzma couldn’t see what Plumeria was doing, he had no idea how close he was to getting the burn heal put onto his burnt skin until the medicine touched him.

Outside the bedroom, the group of grunts that had been headed up the stairs gave a wide berth to the Plumeria’s room when Guzma started to let out a long string of pained curses.

Apparently, burn heals weren’t meant for human skin.


	3. Charade Mishap

 “No fair, man. You got the easy one.” One of the Team Skull grunts suddenly whined. “And I get the hard one?”  
  
The few other members of Team Skull who were gathered in the dubbed ‘game room’ heckled their fellow teammate over his reluctance to continue on with a game one of them had suggested to pass the time.   
  
"The power’s out right now so we can’t use the Wii, yo.” One grunt said, curled up on a chair with his Zubat perched on his head. The tiny bat Pokemon let out a squeak of a yawn, which made its trainer reach up to pat it.  
  
“And you were the one who won charades the last time the power went out.” A female grunt reminded the harassed grunt while petting her Formantis. The small Pokemon was waving its tiny limbs in the air while resting on her lap.   
  
“Yeah but last time was different.” The male grunt gestured wildly. “You know how much trouble I’d get into if I was caught down’ this one, man?”  
  
“Do it.” The grunt with the Formantis urged. Her Pokémon mimicked her words with a point of one tiny limb.   
  
“C'mon, yo. The rest of us did ours already.” Another grunt added from where he was flopped on the floor with a bored expression.   
  
The male grunt who was standing before the others gathered in the room let out a slow sigh. Then, shifting uncomfortably, he raised his hand and held up one finger.   
  
The other Team Skull members sat up and became alert as they paid rapt attention to their fellow grunt.   
  
The male grunt cleared his throat, and, with a nervous once over of the room as if looking for something, or someone, he steeled himself and went on ahead with his prompt.   


-x-

  
Guzma was in a bad mood and he was looking to beat someone up to alleviate some of the build up of rage that he’d accumulated over the course of the day.  
  
Walking into a darkened mansion from the pouring rain did nothing to improve Guzma’s poor mood. Nor did the cluster of grunts hooting and hollering from the direction of the room with the video games. The Team Skull boss frowned. If the power was off then what were those numskulls up to instead of trying to fix the problem?  
  
A roar of laughter erupted from the room and it included the sound of the grunts’ Pokémon joining in.   
  
Guzma stomped toward the open door. He wasn’t feeling very generous today and that meant that he was going to ruin his underlings’ fun. If he was miserable then he wasn’t about to let anyone else be happy. Guzma entered the room without a word and what he found made him completely ignore the hushed whispers and worried looks at the sight of him appearing out of the blue. Guzma instead zeroed in on the only grunt standing in the room that had drawn his attention.   
  
The male grunt was currently wandering back and forth in front of the TVs with hunched shoulders. He wore a grin and struck a pose with his arms as he spoke. “It’s ya boy, Guzma.” At dead silence, the grunt dropped his arms with a defeated sigh as he turned to face his teammates. “C'mon you guys. It wasn’t that bad, was it?” The grunt, without his face half covered, visibly paled when he caught sight of his boss. Who happened to be looking him straight in the eye with an unfriendly look. The grunt jerked as if he’d been zapped by an electric Pokémon, his arms flailing wildly. “B…boss!”  
  
Guzma moved forward swiftly and easily cornered the grunt by the far wall despite the man’s best efforts to slink away. Guzma caught sight of the other grunts scrambling desperately for the open door, sacrificing one of their fellows to avoid their boss’s wrath.   
  
Soon enough, only Guzma remained in the room, along with the male grunt. The grunt made one last ditch attempt to flee, only to be snagged by the back of his tank top.   
  
The Team Skull boss gave a rough shake to warn off the faint struggles the man had begun to make, not in the mood for this shit. Satisfied when the grunt went limp in his grasp, Guzma all but dragged the poor man in the direction of the door, ignoring the rushed apologies tumbling out of the grunt’s mouth.   
  
Guzma poked his head out of the room and narrowed his eyes at the grunts loitering in the main entryway of the mansion. Baring his teeth, Guzma snapped at them. “If you’re wasting time doing stupid shit, you can get your asses outside or in one of the back rooms to see if you can get the power back on.”  
  
“But boss, it doesn’t work.” One grunt dared to say.   
  
“Try giving it a smack. Or I’ll smack you.” Guzma groused back. “Move your asses or you’ll be in for a beating. Like this idiot.” Guzma let the other grunts see the grunt he still held tight to before the Team Skull boss closed the door to yelps and ‘oh shits.’ Guzma waited until he heard the grunts retreat before he turned his head slowly to focus on the grunt that he had corralled.   
  
Seeing attention back on him, the grunt squirmed uncomfortably and made a series of unintelligible sounds that might have been a form of begging for mercy.   
  
“Shut it.” Guzma grunted at the other man before he let him go and waited for the grunt to steady himself.   
  
The Team Skull grunt retreated to the other side of the room and huddled against the wall. He clearly remembered the last time Guzma had done a beat down and the grunt wondered what pretending to be his boss in charades would earn him.   
  
Guzma loomed over the quaking grunt, and from his hunched position, looked the shorter man in the eyes. “You lookin’ to be the boss of Team Skull now?”  
  
“N…no.” The grunt managed to squeak out.   
  
“Then what was all that about before? 'Cause you sure as hell aren’t me.” Guzma stood up straight so that he towered over the other man. “I’m the only one who can say ‘it’s ya boy’, got it?”  
  
The grunt couldn’t even speak at that point so he just nodded several times. And at the sight of Guzma flexing one of his hands at his side as if deciding the best angle to start the beat down from, the grunt spoke up desperately.   
  
“We were just doing charades, boss. Someone put these scraps of paper in a hat and we were supposed to act 'em out.” The grunt shakily held out the scrap of paper that he had still had in hand.   
  
Guzma took the paper impatiently and started at it. And then snorted. “This is supposed to be me? Which one of you dumbasses doodles for shit?”  
  
Golisopod suddenly popped out of its pokeball and made an offended chitter as it poked Guzma sharply.   
  
“Not now Golisopod. I need to find out who drew such a shitty picture of me.” Guzma hid a wince when one of Golisopod’s two clawed limbs rested heavily on his shoulder as it made a single, loud offended sound.   
  
“It drew it.” The grunt managed to say.  It was a wild, desperate guess.  
  
“Are you shittin’ me?” Guzma shoved the clawed limb off his shoulder to stare up at his Pokémon. “Since when can you draw? You don’t have any fingers!”  
  
Golisopod turned away as it made a long and probably profanity laced series of clicks ending with an almost hurt sound.   
  
“Dammit Golisopod. Don’t give me that shit. How was I supposed to know you could somehow manage to use something to…draw with?” Guzma stared at the crappy drawing before some of the anger he’d been feeling left him over the thought of one of his Pokémon attempting to draw him. At least the picture was vaguely human looking and it had his hair drawn, along with scribbled goggles. “It’s okay for a first attempt, I guess.”  
  
Golisopod pointedly refused to look at its trainer, apparently still quite offended.   
  
Guzma sighed; this was going to take some time and he didn’t feel like having an audience while trying to placate a gigantic armored bug. Guzma turned a glare on the grunt. “Get outta here and help get the power back on.”  
  
The grunt didn’t need to be told twice. He made for the door fast as he could move and before his boss could change his mind.   
  
“Wait.”  
  
The grunt froze in place, hand on the doorknob. With a gulp, the man let go and nervously turned around.   
  
Guzma was looking off to the side with an unreadable expression as he addressed the grunt. “Not that you should, but if you ever try to impersonate me again, at least do it right, dumbass.”   
  
Guzma spent ten minutes teaching the grunt how to pose and what to say, before finally allowing the man to leave. The Team Skull boss did have an unhappy Golisopod to cheer up, after all. Even if the picture was shit and could barely even be recognized as a picture of Guzma. 

  
  
-x-

  
“He’s alive!” One grunt said, raising a hand to high five the heavily breathing one that had just entered the room.   
  
“We thought you were a goner for sure, yo.” Another grunt commented as he pat the other man on the shoulder.   
  
“Yeah.” The male grunt said dazedly, still amazed at the narrow escape.   
  
“Why’d he let you go? I wasn’t able to avoid him last time.  The boss beat the shit out of me.”  
  
“Um, the picture of him we used for charades. Boss said it was a crappy picture and his Golisopod got upset about it because it drew it. And so he’s talking to it now and I got to leave.”  
  
The gathered Team Skull grunts who overhead this immediately went into fits of giggles and snorts of laughter.   
  
The grunt who’d avoided a Guzma-induced beating looked perplexed. “What?”  
  
“You should give Golisopod a poke bean the next time you see it.” A female grunt informed him.   
  
“Yeah, you should. Boss’s Pokémon totally saved your ass from getting kicked around.” Another grunt commented cheerfully.  
  
“Why?” The male grunt had gotten his breath back by now and was miffed over being left out of what was clearly some kind of a joke.   
  
“That scribble of boss? Plumeria did it while half-asleep. Asked her what we should use for boss in charades and she drew it for us before goin’ back to sleep.” A grunt fiddling with some wiring informed him.   
  
The male grunt grinned, finally getting the joke, and he laughed along with the others in the room. “Bet she wouldn’t like to hear boss insulting her scribbles.”  
  
“We should see how long boss thinks his Golisopod drew him.” Another grunt announced, accidentally bumping into the one messing with the wiring. There was a curse and then the light flickered on.   
  
The gathered Team Skull grunts cheered and hugged each other over somehow managing to get the power to work again through sheer dumb luck. All of them gleefully piled out of the room to catch the tail end sight of Golisopod hunkering down in a corner of the entryway of the mansion while Guzma swore all the way up the stairs, clearly frustrated.   
  
The Team Skull grunt that had been cornered by Guzma earlier approached Golisopod nervously and stared at the Pokémon. The grunt shuffled his feet as the other grunts rushed by to check in on the video game system. Finally he spoke to the bug Pokémon that had lifted its head to stare at him. “Uh, thanks for doing that. Stoppin’ the boss and all that.” The grunt heard a click before he staggered under a pat that the Golisopod gave him on the top of his head. With a grin, the grunt waved the limb off his head and was about to go join the rest of his teammates when he paused and added. “Don’t pretend to be mad at boss too long, yeah? And I’ll find a pokebean for you later to eat, ok?”  
  
Golisopod waved one of its many limbs in acknowledgement along with a chitter of excitement over food. 

  
-x-

  
Guzma was annoyed that not only did Golisopod refuse to listen to him for the rest of the day, but the damn bug had gathered him into its arms when Guzma got in its face later that evening. With no way to free himself or get his hand on his Pokemon’s Pokéball to call it back, Guzma reigned himself to being brought to the ground by Golisopod.   
  
The big Pokémon let out a happy click and decided then and there to take an impromptu nap, using Guzma as its unwilling, swearing pillow.   
  
“Ah, shit, you fuckin’ bug! You’re too damn heavy for this.” The Team Skull boss griped as he tired to twist out from beneath his Pokémon.  “I can’t breathe.  Move your gigantic armored head off my stomach!”   
  
Golisopod still refused to listen to its trainer, though it did shift so it wouldn’t crush Guzma or suffocate him.  But it wouldn’t let go. With a yawn, the bug-type Pokémon hugged Guzma closer to it with its many limbs and nuzzled its still cursing and wriggling trainer. Then it held tight to prevent Guzma from slipping away or moving at all, really, as it closed its eyes and promptly went to sleep.   
  
Guzma eventually gave in to the idea of sleeping on the floor, again, and blew out a slow breath. With some difficultly he extracted one of his arms and reached over to brush his fingertips in an approximation of a swat against one of Golisopod’s larger arms as Guzma smiled with fond exasperation. “Little shit.”


	4. Critical Hit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be aware that this is my first attempt at writing out a Pokemon battle, and I tried a mix of the video game battles and the TV show battles (also used this as an excuse to slip in the in-game protagonist’s eternal little smile on their face no matter what the situation).

Guzma stared down at the young trainer that had dared to come up to him while he was walking along outside of Po Town. At the sight of the amulet, he knew the trainer was a taking the island challenge. The hint of a smile on the brat’s face made Guzma want to punch something; preferably said brat. Instead, Guzma grinned at the idea of taking a trial goer down a peg or two.  It would be a great way to start his day.

“What? You want a battle or something, kid?” Guzma asked, hunching over in order to look the other trainer in the eyes.

The younger trainer produced a Pokéball and straightened up with a firm nod, apparently not intimidated by the taller man in the least bit.  And the kid still wore that damn smile on their face like they found Guzma amusing or something. 

“You got some guts takin’ me on.” Guzma’s grin turned a bit crazy, partially because the smile was pissing him off now. “Because ya boy Guzma here is gonna beat you down.”  And with that, the Team Skull boss walked the appropriate distance away and turned around, sending his Golisopod out as he did so.  Guzma lightly crouched down to settle in for what he assumed was going to be a short battle. 

The young trainer gawked at the gigantic bug Pokémon a moment before they remembered it was a battle and called out one of their Pokémon. 

A midday Lycanroc. A rock-type Pokemon.

Guzma’s grin slipped a little, as he knew this could potentially be a problem with his Pokemon’s type. 

Whatever. Little brat over there probably didn’t know that, nor did they know that Golisopod had some water type moves. But in the meantime…

“Golisopod. First impression.” Guzma said, waving his hand as he gave the order.

“Use bite!”

Guzma snorted derisively at the younger trainer’s choice of move, and watched gleefully as his Golisopod moved forward to meet the Lycanroc, and caught it mid leap with one of its larger limbs. 

With a loud click, Golisopod made further contact with Lycanroc and sent it hurtling through the air to roll around briefly on the ground before it came to rest before its surprised trainer. 

“Razor shell.” Guzma snapped out, thinking to take advantage of the brief surprise to get another hit in. 

Golisopod lumbered toward the recovering Lycanroc with one limb raised at the ready. 

“Dodge it!” The younger trainer shouted. 

The Lycanroc got to its feet at its trainer’s call and barely managed to avoid a full strike from Golisopod. 

“Great!” The trainer shouted at the Lycanroc as it warily paced around the large bug-type Pokémon. “Use rock slide!”

“Block it!” Guzma ordered; he knew his Pokémon was too slow to avoid the move but it shouldn’t have any trouble blocking with its two larger limbs to avoid taking as much damage. 

Golisopod braced itself and managed to avoid being hit with many of the rocks the Lycanroc sent its way. But before Golisopod could reorient itself to face its opponent, the younger trainer followed up with another call to Lycanroc. 

“Stone edge!”

The ground rumbled as Lycanroc spun to face Golisopod head-on and readied itself to attack. 

“Shit. Golisopod, get the fuck out of the way!” Guzma had no time to filter his language and didn’t actually care because he figured the kid had already probably heard worse. 

Golisopod didn’t have time to be able to avoid the attack altogether, but managed to get far enough away that it only got nicked by the edge of the rock attack.  Unfortunately, it was enough that Golisopod was thrown off balance, its many limbs flailing in an attempt to right itself. 

“Rock tomb!”

Fucking hell was that kid a brutal little shit. 

Guzma kind of admired that. 

Any admiration of that ruthlessness the young trainer appeared to possess, however, vanished when Golisopod disappeared beneath the rocky attack.  It didn’t seem to bode well that the Lycanroc half turned to looks at its trainer with a furious wag of its tail, like it wanted to be praised or something.

Damn.  Had that been a critical hit?

Guzma waited on pins and needles for his Pokémon to retreat with its ability because that attack sure as hell had to have taken it down to less than half its health. 

Golisopod didn’t return to its Pokeball. 

What the hell?

Guzma tried to recall Golisopod but it wouldn’t go back in its Pokéball that way either. A sinking feeling rose within Guzma, along with a hint of fear, an emotion that he never had reason to feel. Was Golisopod all right?  Had it just fainted?  Maybe since it was buried under rocks it couldn’t go back to its Pokéball? Or maybe he couldn’t angle the Pokeball right to get to his Pokemon?

It wasn’t dead, was it?  

Guzma had heard the rumors circulate now and again about Pokémon being so heavily hurt in battle that instead of fainting they actually…died. 

A minute shift beneath the rocks made the sudden fear vanish in an instant, as if it had never been there in the first place. 

Swallowing hard, Guzma pushed back his unease and managed a laugh, even if it sounded horribly fake and forced. Sending a glare the young trainer’s way, Guzma went over to the rocks and started to shift them away. “Seems like the battle’ll have to be put on hold, kid.”  Guzma heard rocks shifting nearby, and pretended to ignore the fact that the younger trainer was helping him unearth his Golisopod. 

When the last of the rocks were shoved aside, Guzma carefully brushed off any smaller rocks and dust before patting his Pokémon on the head. 

No response. 

“C'mon, Golisopod. I saw you move before.” Guzma ignored the sound of the trainer near him noisily searching though their bag. He also ignored the fact that the trainer had just set a revive and what appeared to be a hyper potion on the ground at his side. 

“I’ll be back tomorrow.”  The trainer suddenly announced, sounding further away. “And me and my team will beat yours!”

“Lookin’ forward to it.” Guzma drawled distractedly, his eyes still on his unmoving Pokemon. The Team Skull boss waited until the younger trainer was gone from the area before he all but dove for the revive to use and worriedly watched Golisopod until the Pokémon gave some show of life. Guzma’s shoulders slumped with relief and he carefully reached over to hug his Pokemon’s head to his chest. Hearing a soft chitter of confusion, Guzma let out another short, forced laugh. “Dumb bug. That Lycanroc crit-hit your ass.”

A single, indignant click of disbelief. 

“I know, right?  You never been knocked out like that.” Guzma pulled back so he could look his Pokémon in the eyes. “So don’t do that again, yeah?”

A single click again and a nudge, followed by a more excited series of clicks. 

“What?” Guzma asked, before his Pokémon toppled him over in its excitement before it sunk to the ground with a low frustrated chitter. “If you feel like shit then don’t move around like that.” Guzma chided as he sat up and looked around a moment before he saw what had caused the excitement. 

A rainbow pokebean on the ground. 

Probably something else the younger trainer had left behind. Not that Guzma would ever thank the little brat for the revive, potion or bean. He hadn’t asked for them but he sure as hell wasn’t below using something offered for free.

“Looks like it is your lucky day.” Guzma said as he held out the bean. 

Golisopod eagerly leaned over to carefully pick the offered food up with its mouth. Setting it on the inside of its limb between the two claws, it bit into the pokebean with an excited whirl. 

Guzma held the underside of Golisopod’s limb, not sure if it was up to holding it up on its own. 

Golisopod finished the pokebean and Guzma, forgetting how friendly his gigantic armored Pokemon got after eating, suddenly found himself pinned to the ground with Golisopod half resting over him.  The bug-type Pokemon nuzzled Guzma’s head repeatedly with a series of clicks and hisses. It was clearly pleased with the food it had been given. 

Guzma wheezed a laugh at his Pokemon’s behavior before squirming uncomfortably under the weight and desperately slapping Golisopod’s nearest limb. “Need to…breathe. Shit…fuckin’ heavy bug…gonna crush…me.”

Golisopod made a whirling chuff of what appeared to be a laugh before it shifted and settled on the ground next to its trainer. It’s mood shifted as if it had just remembered that it had been hurt and Golisopod immediately let out a pained click and sunk further to the ground with a pathetic click. 

“Faker.” Guzma said pointedly, half amused and half exasperated. “Even without the potion you should be feeling better.”

Golisopod turned its head to meet Guzma’s eyes with a reproachful look. 

“Yeah, yeah I’m on it.” Guzma grumbled as he got back up into a seated position and used the hyper potion to fix his Pokémon up. “I think you’re too needy sometimes, ain’t you, ya little shit?”

Golisopod did not deign to give that a response even if it did affectionately mouth its trainers hair when Guzma got close enough for it to do so.

By the time Guzma finished using the potion Golisopod was more or less back to normal. Normal meaning that it well enough to scoop Guzma up off the ground with its many limbs in order to nuzzle its trainer’s head again, pleased with being treated with the potion. And likely the revive. 

Guzma was jostled the entire way back to Po Town, but he was just so grateful that Golisopod was all right that he forgot to be angry at being carried around by his Pokémon.  That is, Guzma didn’t think to become furious until they reached the mansion and the Team Skull grunts closet to them fell into a panic, thinking that Guzma had been injured in some way. 

Guzma endured the worried queries for a time until he got so fed up with them that he wriggled out of Golisopod’s grasp and gave chase to the nosy grunts. Shouts of ‘boss is okay’ followed Guzma as he sprinted after a particularly mouthy grunt. 

Golisopod merely found a place nearby out of the rain.  It sat down and closed its eyes. It stayed there a long time, peacefully listening to the rain fall as it relaxed and let go the stress of the day thus far. It’s trainer, meanwhile, wore himself out chasing various members of his team to the point that Guzma finally just collapsed in his room on the bed.  


End file.
